Here’s My Story.

Posted in Uncategorized by Tinay on June 17, 2012

As I am tapping my words out in this ungodly hour, I knew that I wasn’t hitting off to bed anytime soon. Because when some gush of thought comes flooding right in, I just had to sit still, type them down, and allow my mind wander until wherever it takes me. And on those rare occasions such as this, I think basking in that surreal moment right when it hits me is when I can accurately catch the very heartbeat of it all.

Some people might be wondering what I am up to now, because last time they knew, I was a medical student. I could talk all day on the pains and struggles of how it is to pursue such a profession. I was seen buried within my humongous, hard-bound textbooks painstakingly leafing through every page of complex details and hard-to-absorb chunks of medical jargon. I was caught dashing here and there because time was very much of the essence when examinations are just a few hours away.

Of course, it’s a different thing now. Three years of that finally took me to a higher level of learning, enabling me to be a step closer towards becoming a physician–as a medical intern. But technically, I am not one yet. I am not one of that because those three years of highs and lows has managed to successfully take its toll on me—on my health, most specifically.

Weeks before I was set to begin my internship last April, things started to take a turn for the worse.  No matter how eligible my academic record was, my body didn’t seem to throw a convincing nod. I was confined for two weeks, though it hasn’t actually been my first one for the past four consecutive months. In fact, it was my third. My gut-wrenching third. My attendings found it alarming, my family saw it distressing, but I refused to let it hold over me. It was until my cousin just had to slap me into what was one of the most brutal reality I had to face—I wasn’t fit for internship, and it was imperative to give myself a real break from medicine—a year-long break.

I knew that day would come. I’ve been playing around with that thought for quite some time since my second hospital admission. But I didn’t think it would come out that way, that soon. Right when she uttered those words, I thought, one year off school is more than I could bear. It meant that I would be delayed, that I would be missing a whole lot of people, and that scared me. So I drove a hard bargain and asked for 6 months, promised to be religious with my medications and to exercise extra caution with my food intake. Fortunately, my doctors gladly agreed. And I could just hear that sigh of relief from my family when I finally gave in to what they had wishfully wanted me (but was too stubborn) to do.

Almost three months have rolled in and I realize it was one my best decisions yet. I gave up the thought of being six months behind, I gave up the thought of missing out on a lot of things with the people I’ve grown to love, and I gave up the thought of having to march down the aisle for graduation with the rest of the batch. I gave up the thought that I would have to explain my delay during the hospital-matching process for post-graduate internship,  how I would tackle reviewing for the licensure board exams alone, or how my delay might seem that I wasn’t any better or physically competent come residency training. I gave up all that thought for the relief it could bring to my family and for the security of my health and well-being. If you ask me, it’s not a steep price to pay.  I say so because no amount could ever match the value of a family and of one’s health.

Dreaming of becoming a doctor has never been wrong, just as working your tail off to get to it isn’t a mistake either. But when it starts to get the best of you, perhaps it’s time to sort out your priorities and allow your ambition to take a back seat, even for a while. Like I’ve been told, medicine can be harsh and competitive. But it’s certainly not a race so there’s really no compelling reason to rush through it. When you take it easy, when you give yourself time to breathe, you’d see that there’s so much more that’s worth your time and there’s so much more you can do even while striving on a career. Our ambitions shouldn’t be the only thing that we live for, but it should give life to what we stand up for. It’s just funny how I had to realize that, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m more than happy with how things are turning out for me right now, and I couldn’t be any more grateful. I’ve started experiencing new things I never tried doing; I’m learning to appreciate things I never thought I’d fancy. I’m starting to reconsider my options, recalculate my views and opinions, and create and rekindle relationships. More importantly, with the positivity surrounding me, I’m learning to discover more of myself and the huge bag of awesomeness the world can offer every single day.  And as a saying once goes, “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Laughs. Loves and My Dose of Six Months.

* tinay *


4 Responses

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  1. melissastimely said, on June 17, 2012 at 3:49 PM

    This is great…i’m just starting to get into the swing of things I have to look forward too. I have applied to a university and I am just sitting back and waiting to hear back…hopefully should be a first year med student at the beginning of next year. That said- i’m looking for some med students and professionals to follow here on wordpress! keep up the good work!

    • Tinay said, on June 17, 2012 at 5:54 PM

      Hi! Medicine is actually really fun, no matter how exhausting. And when your armed with the right attitude and surrounded by the right people, you’re bound to go places. Good luck and have fun on yours! 🙂

  2. melissastimely said, on June 17, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    Reblogged this on Becoming MD and commented:
    Just found this Young woman on wordpress and found this post quite insightful. Health comes first friends! Line up your priorities, stay healthy and don’t ever take anything for granted- and all the while, keep doing your best!

  3. theangryresident said, on June 17, 2012 at 9:14 PM

    Good for you for taking some much needed time. That’s so much of a better choice than trying to tough it out and falling into a funk or having the world of medicine become a constant negative in your life.

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